This blog is usually about Sicily, my travels, my love, my
dogs, my friends, all of the fun times I have had & things I find
encouraging.
Today it is about my time spent back home walking with my
family through my dad’s battle with cancer.
There is a deep understanding among
those who have experienced the battle against cancer & the loved ones who
have walked through it with them. Many others (how I once was) are able to care
very much about causes such as Relay for Life and are able to care for patients
& do all of the right things..But there is a deeper understanding that comes
only from experience. Experience that brings everyone to the same raw human
level. No one is above it. It brings people of every race, age &
socioeconomic class to a position of humility and understanding for one
another.
Daddy was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer in June
2011. A small amount of cancer had spread to his brain & lower spine. He
did 15 days of brain radiation & 6 rounds of chemo & was told he was
cancer free in at the end of November. In February 2012, after two months of
headaches, an MRI showed multiple tumors in his brain. So I headed home to
Columbus. As symptoms got drastically worse in March, another MRI showed a
large tumor inside & wrapped around his spinal cord.
Through this time I often thought about what I should write.
How much detail. What to blog about & what to just write in private for
myself or family. How much would I want to remember about this experience? I am
sharing these things because there are sweet friends & family who have
wanted details through this time & because through my experience, someone
else might be encouraged by my Daddy’s faith and the amazing ways that God
sends His mercy into our lives. I hope these details touch someone’s heart.
Wednesday February 29th.
This was the morning after I arrived in Columbus. Because the cancer had
already affected his strength and balance, Daddy had started using a cane but this
morning he walked into the kitchen holding a cup of coffee, no cane, talking to
me. That afternoon he went with my brother Jesse to Sams & Walmart to shop.
He refused to use a ridey cart. He walked around both stores with only the
cane.
I now understand the meaning of the battle or fight
against cancer. If anyone has ever fought a disease, its Bob Gallimore. He
fought Every. Step. Of. The. Way. He prayed for complete healing. He waited
upon the Lord.
The following 2 weeks
were a downhill spiral. Daddy had his first fall in the kitchen at night,
alone, while using the cane. He was very opposed to using the walker & told
me we should give it to Goodwill. The next day he had no choice but to use it
because his balance had decreased & he couldn’t control his right leg. Then
we got the wheelchair. He also told us to get that out of his sight. The next
day he was using it. Same thing with the potty chair. He didn’t need it. The
next day he had to use it because he could no longer get up the 3 stairs and
down the hall to the bathroom.
For about a week I was getting up every night to help him
when he was still trying to walk to the bathroom. One night I woke up to a
gentle thud & went to check on him. I found him sitting on the floor at the
bottom of the stairs. He insisted on pushing his abilities and constantly tried
to do all he could. He had several more falls and many frustrating moments. He
had never been weak or frail before. He was the strong one, our protector. This
experience humbled him in so many ways. My family learned a new kind of
patience, how to work together as a team, and how to trust God in new ways.
By the end of the 2 weeks, Daddy was completely paralyzed
below his rib cage. He could not sit up without holding on to something. He was
bedridden and we cared for him in every way. If you have ever cared for a sick
or aging loved one, you understand that this is also a humbling experience.
Thank the Lord that he was still able to use his arms at this point to pull up
on the trapeze bar & help us change his clothes, etc. By this time we also
had Hospice care. This organization is wonderful & I recommend that any
family in our situation should turn to Hospice. Right away they got involved
& put the catheter in Daddy’s bladder, helped us dress his pressure sores,
and taught us better how to care for him. They encouraged us & got us the
resources we needed. Daddy refused even a short visit to the Hospice House and
we were blessed to be able to honor his wishes and keep him at home.
By week 3, we had
come to a sort of tired, hard, normal. We had become empty of ourselves,
needing God to fill us & get us through each day. We had ambulance
transport for radiation treatments on Daddy’s brain & spine every day
during the week. We had some complications during this week. He got a blood
clot in his catheter & was in severe pain with a distended bladder. Another
reason I am thankful for Hospice, the nurse came right away. He also got thrush
(overgrowth of normal body fungi in the mouth & esophagus) which caused
difficulty swallowing, hiccups, and pain. There were so many physical things
going on with Daddy, it was hard to know if changes & symptoms were related
to the cancer, his cardiac problems, the radiation, or the medications.
I also turned 23 during this 3rd week in March.
My birthday turned out to be quite a hard day with Daddy’s complications, but
there is still nowhere else I would have wanted to be. My mama, mom-in-law,
& some sweet friends helped to make my birthday special in the midst of
this difficult circumstance.
Week 4 & 5,
same tired, hard, normal. How could daddy be doing this well on the outside
with all of these physical problems going on inside? His thinking was clear and
he continued to joke around and make us laugh. We have some funny memories to
cherish. God is good. I also found I was pregnant! This brought a light into
our lives and I’m so thankful I got to share the news of this blessing with my
dad. He said I was making him GRAND.
Week 6 & 1/2,
daddy had a few days where he was still himself. Then he developed fever/chills
& slept for about 12 hours. After the fever broke at 4am, he woke up asking
for coffee! Although he was still asking for his normal things, after that day
nothing was the same. He began to be more disoriented and started to sleep
more. Talking became more difficult, words were often slurred, and he had a
hard time using the right words for things. It became very difficult to give
him meds by mouth & he was drinking only sips. During his sleep he did
things such as reaching out and up, and reaching for his head as if he had a
headache. One evening his sleep got deeper & he began breathing with a very
mucousy sound (referred to as the “death rattle”). His oxygen saturation
dropped from 98% to 71%. This is when he became unresponsive. After our reading
and research, we knew to expect that the end was very soon. But if you know Bob
Gallimore, you know that he had to push the limit one more time. His O2
saturation went back up to about 97% (we left his oxygen on to help him remain
peaceful) and he remained in a coma. Even with a racing heartbeat and without
food or water, Daddy continued to hold on for 5 more days.
Rob arrived from Sicily while Daddy was in the coma, and
Daddy opened one eye and looked at Rob when he heard his voice. We know that Daddy
knew Rob was here. I had recorded our baby’s heartbeat on my phone & held
it to Daddy’s ear. God was so gracious to give us those moments together. Right
before midnight on Friday, April 13th, Daddy died very peacefully
and quietly.
During this time, we had so much to be thankful for. Our
church family at Beallwood Baptist was faithful to call, visit, and bring food
& anything we needed. We grew closer to my sweet husband’s family too. They
helped to keep us well fed & encouraged. Many other friends and family were
involved, caring, and helpful. The staffs at John B. Amos & Columbus Hospice
were wonderful.… everyone we met along the way was loving and encouraging.
Daddy’s Celebration of Life Service at Beallwood was
wonderful & honored him. Brother Billy’s words were encouraging & he
described how Daddy’s life was a light for Christ. We know we will see him
again one day.
"For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so
my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your
thoughts." Isaiah 55:9
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not
be discouraged, for the Lord Your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9
From Allen Levi’s blog (Describing words from a friend’s
letter):
She suggested that caring for a terminally ill person is
much like a childbirth, “grossly messy, uncomfortable, and extremely painful.”
But more significantly, she opined that the task affords those like us the privilege
of birthing our loved ones into heaven. It takes considerable effort to keep
that perspective in mind but I’m convinced that “death as birth canal” is a
redemptive and accurate way to view end of life for a follower of Christ.
Caregivers (a category which will probably describe all of us as some point in
life) serve as midwives to make the delivery, from life here to life There, as
comfortable, joyful, even as welcome as it can possibly be.
